A New Spin on Losing
by Southern Spark
Summary: My first ever iCarly/Seddie fic. Freddie is fighting a losing battle with Sam. He wants to be there, she doesn't want him there. What will happen?


Life is full of funny little twist and turns. Sometimes they aren't so funny. For Sam and Freddie life had already been a winding twisting road. Full of twist and turns, and ups and downs. All those years of fighting, of Sam tormenting Freddie, it had evolved into friendship. Then life took another turn. Feelings once again began to evolve into something more. Something the two of them tried denying. Eventually, it became impossible to deny the attraction. One day during iCarly rehearsals it all came to a head.

They were in the studio waiting on Carly for once. Sam was in a bad mood, even for her. "What's your problem?" Freddie asked, as he got the equipment set up for that night's rehearsal. Sam glared at him. "What's my problem? I have to spend yet another Friday night looking at your ugly mug."

Freddie turned toward her, arms crossed. "Really, Sam? You need a new come back. Besides, if you keep saying things like that people will start to think you secretly like me."

Sam rolled her eyes and made a gagging face. "Like you?" she laughed, and smacked the back of his head. "Not even in your dreams Benson."

"Hey!" he glared back, rubbing the back of his head. "You have problems, Puckett." he muttered. "Serious problems." he turned to go back to the computer.

No sooner had he turned then Sam grabbed his arm yanking him back around. "Yeah, I got a problem. And I'm going to do something about it right now."

Freddie didn't know what to expect, but braced himself for something painful. But what happened next...it wasn't painful. She didn't hit him, punch him, nothing. Instead, her lips captured his. Before he knew it, his hands were on her waist and he was kissing her back.

That had been over a year ago. Life was not through throwing new twist and turns into their path.

School had just started back following Christmas break. For the last few weeks Sam's behavior had been more erratic and her mood's even fouler. Freddie was determined to find out why.

He spotted her at her locker and walked over. "Hey! Sam!" he called out as he approached.

Sam groaned hearing her name. She didn't want to deal with him. "What do you want?" she muttered, picking up her messenger bag.

"Sam, I want to talk to you." He took a hold of her arm to stop her from walking away. "You've been avoiding me. You won't answer my calls, or text. What's going on?"

The worry in his eyes and the concern in his voice warmed her heart, but grated on her nerves. "Yeah, well, that's what people do when they don't want to talk to someone."

She didn't want to talk to him? Why? Things had been going good. So, he had thought. "Sam, why? What happened?" Sam huffed, irritably. "Drop it Benson." she glared, daring him to continue speaking. "I'm going to be late to class." With that she walked away. Leaving Freddie standing there confused. She was worried about being late to class? She never worried about being late. Something very strange was going on here.

Freddie went on to class. Still trying to figure out what was going on with Sam. He tried to talk to her during the classes they shared, together. But she wouldn't even look at him. Whatever was going on must have been huge. If she choose avoidance over causing bodily harm. He had given up trying to catch her at school. He would have to try afterwards.

His plan to find Sam after school was a huge fail. She had become the incredible vanishing woman. Giving up on his search he headed to Carly's apartment. He walked inside, seeing Spencer working on a sculpture. "Hey..." he said, heading for the stairs. "Hey, Freddo." came Spencer's voice. "Carly, isn't home yet, but I think I saw Sam head up."

Sam was here? Why hadn't he looked here first? This was great. May be she would actually talk to him now. He raced up the stairs to the iCarly studio. He could see Sam through the glass door. She was sitting on one of the beanbag chairs. Her back to the door, so she didn't see him standing there.

He went in with determination. Arms folded. "Puckett?"

Sam grimaced. "Benson! You stalking me?" Freddie shook his head. "Uh...no!" Sam looked up at him with an annoyed expression. "Then what are you doing here?" He furrowed his brow in a confused manner. "I came to get ready for the show as always. But since you were here, I thought we could finally talk. Because we need to talk."

Sam stood, staring him down. "No! We don't!" Freddie stepped closer to her, staring her down right back. "Yes, we do! What's gotten into you? Why are you avoiding me?"

"You are so annoying." she grumbled. She had been avoiding him so that she didn't have to have this conversation with him. She just needed a few more days. Then everything would have been taken care of. But stupid school started, and she couldn't avoid him. He was everywhere.

"Look, nub. It's over! Ok? I thought you'd get the hint. But apparently not."

Over? Where had that come from? Freddie blinked several times trying to wrap his mind around it. He didn't understand. This came out of nowhere. He did not see this coming. He thought things had been going well between them. They had even talked about going to California together after graduation. Freddie had been accepted to UCLA, and well, Sam was still figuring her future out. "Why? You haven't given me a reason why? What about our plans?"

"Plans change. Sometimes things happen. Unplanned. Unexpected thing." GAH! Why couldn't he let it go? Just accept that she had ended their relationship and move on. Instead he stood there, giving her *that* look. The look that said he knew she was hiding something and he was going to find out what it was.

"I'm late! Ok?" There she put it out there. She said it without having to say it. But the look on Freddie's face said that he had not registered what she had said. "Late...?" he trailed off.

"Yes, dip wad! L.A.T.E! Gah! For someone who is so smart you can be so dense."

Late. The word kept repeating over and over in his head. Before sinking in. When it did sink in he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. They had been careful. Really careful. How could this have happened? Sam read the look on his face. She knew that look. She had had a similar one when she found out. "Seems that...certain antibiotics...counter act...the pill. Who knew?" she shrugged. "But don't worry. I'm gonna take care of it."

Freddie was trying to keep up with all this information and process it all. Antibiotics? Oh...crap! He knew exactly when that was. They hadn't used any sort of back up. That was unlike them. Well, unlike him anyway. He snapped out of his thoughts when she said that she would take care of it. She wasn't talking about a..."Sam, you don't mean..." But she cut him off. "Yes, I do. I can't do this. I don't want to do it. I'd just screw it up."

"Sam, shouldn't we talk about this? Make a decision together?" He wanted a say in this. It involved him too. He didn't like the idea of her *taking care of it*. Sam gave him one of her *don't cross me* looks. "Look here, Freddie. You don't get a say. I made the decision. Now you gotta deal with it."

Deal with it? How was he supposed to deal with this kind of news?

Three days passed since Sam dropped the bomb shell in the studio. It had also been three days since she had been in school. Freddie assumed she had *taken care of things* and was at home recovering. Every time he thought about it, he felt sick. She could have given him some say in the matter, or at least let him go with her. But she closed that door. Shutting him out.

He was standing at his locker tossing in books when he heard a voice behind him "I didn't do it." Freddie closed the locker and turned to see Sam standing behind him. She didn't do it? She was just going to blurt something like that out with no further explanation? He was stunned for a moment to say the least, but he also felt a sense of relief. Sam, saw the look of relief wash over his face. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not completely heartless."

He blinked and tried to form some sort of thought in his mind that would come out his mouth in response to this news. But he couldn't get the words out fast enough. And she was already walking away. He shook his head and took off after her.

"Hey! Sam! Wait up!" he called, and had to jog to catch up to her. "What?" she grumbled.

"What do you mean what?" He asked, and stood in front of her. Stopping her walking away again. "You can't tell me that and just walk away and not expect me to not say anything or ask anything." he sighed. "Can we please talk about this?" he pleaded. "So, you didn't go through with it. What does that mean now?" Sam sighed and started to step around Freddie, but he put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her. "Come on, Sam. Talk to me."

Sam looked at him, but she wouldn't look him in the eye. She couldn't. She didn't want to see what they would reveal. His eyes revealed so much about what he was feeling. She could not handle that right now. She sighed in an irritated manner. "Fine!" she snapped. "Meet me at the Groovy Smoothie after school."

**********************************************************************************************************************************'

As soon as school let out Freddie headed straight over to the Groovy Smoothie. He walked in and looked around. Of course, no Sam. Why should she be on time? She was never on time, and well, they hadn't exactly set a time. But this wasn't something that could really wait. So, he got a smoothie and sat and waited. And waited. He was beginning to think she wasn't going to show. Figures! Why should he have expected anything more?

Sam was there. She had gotten there early. But she was standing outside. Where she had been for the last twenty minutes. She just couldn't bring herself to go inside and face him. She could see him from where she stood. She could see his face. Confusion and sadness were written all over his features. Typically that wouldn't phase Sam. Typical that was the sort of look she was trying to leave on someone's face. But looking at him now and seeing that look well...it made her...feel...bad. He deserved better than this. Better than her. She hoped he would realize that.

She saw him stand. He was going to leave. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, opening the door. "Sit down Benson! You're not going anywhere." she ordered. "You wanted to talk. So, let's talk."

There really wasn't much talking. It had been mostly a one sided conversation. Sam pretty much laid all her plans out. Telling Freddie she had all ready made her decision. And he had little to no say in the matter. Since she hadn't been able to go through with her first choice, she went with the next best option. Adoption. Placing the baby with *normal*, *stable* parents.

"Sam, really? Let's actually talk about this. Don't shut me out." he pleaded with her once more. His dark eyes reflecting his desperation to have her let him in, the sadness he felt her pushing him away. "We can figure this out together. We can make this work." He had no idea how they would make it work. They were so young and they had these plans. But he was willing to give it a try. He loved her, and he wasn't going to leave her to do this alone. If she would only let him in.

She didn't want to make this work. She wasn't ready to be a mom. To be honest she didn't know if she ever wanted to be a mom. Look at her own home life. She wasn't going to bring a kid into that. She wasn't going to repeat that messed up cycle. She certainly wasn't going to be the reason that Freddie didn't go to UCLA or do all the nerd stuff he wanted to do. "Freddie, I'll speak slowly so you can understand. . ." she lowered her voice and spoke real slow and clear."I. Do. Not. Want. To Make. This. Work." For a moment she gave a soft almost apologetic look. "I'm sorry. But you're going to go to UCLA and do your nerd thing. Become some big shot. I'll stay here and probably get some minimum wage job. And this kid will go to a home with mature, responsible, stable parents. Who probably never had as much as a speeding ticket. on their record."

"There is nothing I can do or say to make you reconsider?" He wasn't ok with this. She was shutting him out completely. As if this really had nothing to do with him. Had no impact on his life at all. He wanted to be involved. He wanted to be there for her. For this baby. Even if she didn't want to try and make things work with them. She could at least let him be there for her during the pregnancy and the adoption process.

She studied his face. He had his thinking face on. "I know what you're thinking. And the answer is NO! You'll just get all emotionally involved and mushy. Making this harder than it has to be. So, just walk way now."

He wanted to fight this. Argue with her that he had a right. As the father he had rights. But he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He stood. That look of hurt back in his eyes along with a look of defeat. She wanted to do this and do it alone. Then she could. "Just make sure it's a good home, and if there's anything you need me to do...let me know." he said before leaving.

Sam watched him leave. It made her heart ache. Not many things made her feel all emotional. But watching him give up so easily and just walk away, it killed her. But this was best. It was the best for everyone. This is how it had to be.

It seemed that from that from that day on life took off in a whirl wind. It was crazy busy. Everyone says high school is the best years of your life. Senior year is supposed to be time of fun and excitement, but no one talks about how stressful it can be. It was February and graduation was only like three or four months away. Everyone was going into freak out mode. There was so much going on in the next few months. Making sure you had all your classes and credits to graduate, making sure college applications were in, waiting for that acceptance letter. Not to mention things like Prom and yearbook and senior trips.

Because things had become so busy and there wasn't enough time to do it all the decision had been made to cut back iCarly. So, rather than being a weekly webcast, it was now a monthly one.

Very little of Sam was seen except for the one day a month when they shoot the show. The pregnancy was an off limits topic both on and off the air. Sam did not feel iCarly viewers needed to be all up in her business, and it wasn't the sort of thing that their show was about anyway. So, she refused to talk about it. And for now it was easy to conceal. So, it wasn't really an issue.

So, they went on with the show as if nothing were out of the ordinary. Nothing had changed. When in reality everything had changed. There was this huge wedge between Sam and Freddie. They couldn't or wouldn't look at each other. The few times he had tried to talk to her she flat out refused to speak with him. So, he had stopped trying. The only time they did speak was if it concerned the show.

That had been three months ago. May was now upon them. Senior year was steam rolling to its conclusion. For many it was the close of one chapter in their life and be sad, it was also a happy time. That is because a new chapter was about to begin. One holding new beginnings, full of hope and promise for the future.

However, for Freddie it just felt like the end. Everything was coming to an end. Childhood, high school, friendships and relationships. All of it left behind.

They were all taking different paths. He was going off to California to attend UCLA. Carly had decided to remain in Washington State to attend college, and well, no one knew what was going to happen with Sam. What her plans were.

No one knew because no one hardly saw her. A few weeks after her *talk* with Freddie at the Groovy Smoothie she had left school. Claiming that she had opted for *homeschooling* for the last few months of their senior year. Since then she had secluded herself. Not going out, not taking calls and answering text. Her rare outing was the iCarly studio, but even then she was extremely distance from everyone.

Life has a way of moving on whether you are ready for the ride or not. That is just what was happening now. Life was still moving forward. Taking Carly and Freddie even close to the departure into the unknown that was life after high school. Embarking them on this new journey. But it didn't feel right. Without Sam something was missing. They were the three amigos after all. The practically inseparable trio.

Despite her actually doing her course work and getting enough credits to graduate, she had refused. She did not want to be a part of the ceremony. Walking across the stage with her friends, getting her diploma. So, the day that should be have been full of thrills and cheers for surviving the last four years was one of sadness and finality.

Summer was over. Long over. Everyone was falling into new routines, in new places. Starting a new chapter in their lives.

Freddie, had been in California since August, so for about two months now. So, far he was finding college to be more of his niche than high school had been. He fit in better here. He wasn't just some tech nerd. But despite fitting in, and despite everything college offered and all that California offered, it was lonely. The hardest adjustment was being not having his two best friends around.

He still kept in touch with Carly and Gibby. With the occasionally e-mail and text. But it wasn't the same. They were both just as busy as he was with school and everything. Well, Sam, he hadn't heard from her in months. It still hurt. It still upset him. But he couldn't dwell on it. He had to let go and move on.

Sam didn't even notify him when the baby came. Not that he really thought she would. But he had hoped that may be she would be the one. But no, instead he had gotten a text from Carly. Short and to the point. *Baby girl. Healthy. 7 lb. 12 oz. 20.5 in.* That's all it said. He had gotten that text six weeks ago. Six weeks ago his daughter came into this world and he wasn't "allowed" to be a part of it. Now she belonged to some strange family that he did not know and he would never get a chance to know her. How could he let that go and move on?

So, for the last six weeks that had plagued his thoughts. May be he should have fought harder. Tried harder to convince Sam to try and make things work. But that would have been selfish. One day he would realize that this...had been the right thing to do.

Freddie sat in his dorm. Staring at the text book in front of him. Trying to concentrate. When a knock at the door snapped him out of his thoughts. He wasn't expecting anyone, so it must be for his roommate, who wasn't here. He got up and walked to the door. Wrong! "Carly!" He said in surprise, arching an eye brow.

"Hey!" she smiled.

"What are you doing here? Is everything ok?" He asked his voice full worry. Thinking something terrible had happened to bring her all the way out here.

"Sur..." She started to say all chipper, but stopped seeing the worry on his face. "Everything's fine. I've just been worried about you and I wanted to check in."

Freddie gave her a skeptical look. "You came all the way out here from Seattle because you were worried about me? You could've just called you know."

Carly sighed, rolling her eyes. 'No. Well, yeah I could have called, but I had to come here. Now I need you to come with me."

"What? Carly...I..." He didn't get to finish. She was giving him that look. "Please! For me?"

"Fine!" he muttered grabbing his room key and student I.D. "So, where are we going?" he asked, following her out to her car. "You'll see." was all that she would tell him.

They hadn't gone far. May be a mile down the road when Carly pulled into the parking lot of a hotel. Freddie raised his brows again in disbelief and looked at Carly. "Uh...Carly...?"

"Relax. It's not what you think." She laughed, parking the car. She reached into her purse and pulled out a hotel room key. "Take this and go to room 821."

There was something fishy going on. He wasn't too sure he wanted any part of it. But against his better judgment he took the key and headed for the hotel.

After Freddie had exited the car Carly pulled out her cell. "Yeah, he's on his way up. I'll be up in a few."

Freddie entered the lobby and got on the elevator. Stepping off on the eighth floor. He spent a few minutes looking for room 821. Eventually, he found it. Taking a deep breath he used the card key and entered the room.

He stepped inside and immediately froze in his tracks. What was this? A joke? It had to be. Why else would she be standing there? "Sam?" he asked with a frown.

"Hi." Came a very meek reply. It didn't even sound like Sam. She wasn't a meek person. They both stood there, the room becoming filled with tension and awkward silence.

"Say something Fredward." Came a more impatient, more Sam like response after several moments of silence. Freddie shook his head. "What do you want me to say? Because I don't really have anything to say to you." He muttered. "But if you want me to say something, then I'll say this: What are you doing here?"

Sam had never felt this nervous. Especially not around Freddie. Right now she felt incredibly nervous and unsure of herself. She looked down. Unable to look at him. "I needed to see you. To talk to you."

"You wanted to see me? So you could talk to me? So you sent Carly?"

"I knew you probably wouldn't give me a chance if I showed up. But if Carly did..." she trailed off. This was a thousand times harder than she had thought it would be.

"Ok, well, I'm here. So, what did you want to talk about?" He asked, folding his arms. A big part of him did not want to hear anything she had to say, but the other half was curious enough to make him stay.

Obviously small talk was out of the question. She might as well just get straight to the point. She took a deep breath. "I wanted you to know that I...that I uhh...didn't go through with it. I couldn't do it."

That caught him off guard. He looked at her in surprise and with a questioning look. "You couldn't do it? So...you...?" Was she saying what he thought she was saying?

"GAH! Benson!" she groaned. "Has being a California college boy sucked all the intelligence out of your head?" she grumbled and started pacing the room. "The adoption. I couldn't go through with it." she said and looked at him. She thought that would make him happy but she wasn't able to read his expression. That worried her.

Freddie didn't know what to think let alone feel. She had pushed him away. Told him he had no part in this. He had just starting to come to terms with that. Accept that he would never see his daughter. Now this! "Why?" Was all he could utter in response.

Sam stopped pacing and looked at him. "Why?" She bit her lip and took another deep breath. "Because when I held her and I looked at her for the first time. I didn't want to let go. I couldn't let go and let someone else take her. She looked so much like you. Same eyes and mouth, and this head just full of dark hair. Which explained all that horrible heartburn I had." she added trying to lighten the mood. She continued to speak. Her voice soft and tender, so very unlike Sam. "I couldn't lose her Freddie. Losing her would have been like losing you all over again." Dang hormones. She was getting all emotional and misty eyed.

"You gave me no choice! You pushed me away!" he snapped. "I would have been through it all. But YOU wouldn't let me!"

"I know! I screwed up, big time! I know that, I know that I hurt you. I'm sorry. Ok?"

"No, it's not ok." he muttered. "What do you want from me? To take you back and pretend like nothing happened? I can't do that Sam. Or...do you want money? Is that what this is about?"

"No." she whispered. "That's not why I'm here. I'm not here to get you back or to ask you for money. I'm here to try and do something right. By letting you see your daughter. Hoping that even if you can't forgive me you'll still be a part of her life."

Freddie sighed and rubbed his face. "Sam...I..." This was all too much at once. He wanted to say "yes" but he was skeptical. She had pushed him away so long, and wouldn't let him be involved. What if she did it again?

Sam noticed his reluctance. Could she really blame him? No. "Freddie, I know I hurt you, and I know that there's this wall between us now, but...don't make her pay for my bad decisions. Please don't let it stop you from being involved in her life."

He still held that skeptical look. But she seemed sincere. The most sincere he had ever seen her. And she had a point. He couldn't let how he felt toward her dictate how he felt about this child. She was the innocent one stuck in the middle of this mess. "Is she here? Can I see her?"

Sam nodded with a small smile. "Carly, you can come in." The door that joined the room they were in with the room next door opened. Carly stepped through carrying a tiny bundle wrapped securely in a blanket.

Freddie felt his heart start racing as Carly approached him. When she stopped in front of him he looked almost terrified. With trembling hands he reached out and took the tiny bundle from Carly's arms. Carly smiled warmly. "Congratulations." she whispered. "Now, meet your daughter."

Freddie looked down and was met by a pair of dark eyes staring up at him. Sam was right. She did have his eyes and a thick mass of dark hair. She had Sam's nose though. It was adorable. She was beautiful. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was love at first sight.

He carried her over to the bed and sat down with her. It felt surreal. He really had a daughter. She really was in his arms. He gently stroked her cheek and looked up at Sam. "So, what's her name?"

Sam stood silently. Watching him. There was a mix of emotion on his face. Fear, awe, and love. Just like she had been the first time she had seen her.

"Her name?" His question snapping her out of her thoughts. "Oh...yeah. Her name, it's Leah." She smiled. "I remember you once said that you liked the name. So, I named her Leah..Leah Fallon Benson to be exact."

"Leah?" he grinned. Sam had actually remembered him saying that. Not only had she remembered but she had chosen it as their daughter's name. Then he laughed a little. "Fallon? Sam, that is such a you thing to do." But it worked. She really was a part of the two of them. From her looks right down to her name.


End file.
